Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
