Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
