Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
