Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have already put on my inside pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
