oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize