i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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