Ambien. No doubt about it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize