Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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