I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
