ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
