in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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