its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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