I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
