She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
