Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
