I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
