Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
