this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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