My brain says no but my pants say off.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont even know how to be here
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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