problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
