i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
