I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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