If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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