Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
