My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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