You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
