I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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