My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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