I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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