i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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