I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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