Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
