Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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