we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
