Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
