I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
