Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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