i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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