who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
