My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
