I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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