Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
