i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize