Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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