Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
