then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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