For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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