she woke up with a sticky ear
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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