The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
