The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry about my life...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
