So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
