i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
