i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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