i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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