is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
