chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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