just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize