Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
