He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love you. Go after that dick
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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